Day 92

11.1 miles hiked 

Today I wanted to quit. Or at least reset for a week and then try again. But there isn’t a place to bail out. I have to hike through to Kennedy meadows north. 

The smoke is what has made me terrified. Flashbacks to my grandma’s town burning. Driving through a fire with storm last year. Another fire where my cousin was and I was scared he would die etc. 
I had about 7-8 panic attacks today. And cried for most of the day. 
The smoke made my head hurt, throat hurt, chest hurt, made me nauseous. I threw up. I drank more water than usual. I was terrified. 
I still am. 
The people I was hiking with kept going for a second pass today. I stopped 2 miles before the top of the pass and set up camp. 
Once I was feeling dizzy and brain fogged I knew I shouldn’t hike anymore today. 
So I will be behind them now and will try to catch up tomorrow or the next day. 

A ranger came by while I was setting up camp before the others came by to pass me and asked for my permit and proof of my bear can. Then Woodstock and Denise came by and he asked for the same from them. I said goodbye to them after that just in case I don’t catch them again. 
I know this is what’s best for my health but it still sucks. Just when I had finally caught up to miss pancakes and pocket lizard too. Oh well, the trail will provide. 

Camping alone is kinda comforting. I am okay. I am scared, but I’m okay. 
Watching a movie to calm myself down today for bed will be crucial. 
I will try to sleep early so I can get up sooner to catch them easier. 
I might have to do a 20-23 mile day tomorrow to make that happen. So we will see. If the smoke is this bad or worse tomorrow I’m prepared to do some nice easy 12 mile days and come in later to Kennedy Meadows North. I can stretch my food for another day I think.